Archive for August 2008
Going Up
When the doors to an elevator open, have you ever noticed that the world temporarily changes? Any social skills we have developed become temporarily inactive, personal space issues become top priority, and your self confidence gets sucked right up the cement elevator shaft.
I have worked on the 99th and 104th floor of buildings. Ive taken high speed elevators, and Ive taken elevators that take as long to go 5 floors and some take to go 50. Based on that extensive resume, I find myself qualified to define elevator behavior.
When people enter an elevator, they immediately go for a wall. Its crucial to have a wall to stand against and thereby leave the middle of the elevator open. Even if there are two or three people in the elevator, one person claims a wall to lean against. If a fourth person get on, the other three go for a corner, leaving a corner open for the new rider. I call this the Corner Shift. If someone stood in the middle of the floor, personal space issues would prevail. I think this leads to people coming into work crabby in the morning.
When more than four people enter the elevator, the occupants pull their peresonal belongings closer to themselves. Hands, purses and briefcases take unnatural positions, usually straight in front of them. People then scrunch up and round their shoulders to take up less space, even though a space emergency may not exist.
Regardless of the number of people in the elevator, everyone stares up at the numbers indicating the floor. This is not out of necessity, as most people either know exactly the time to their floor, or at least recognize their floor. Even if you happen to glance at someone, the glance will be returned by the other person with the stink eye.
It is unusual for strangers to speak to each other in the elevator unless there is some unusual event occurring. Occaisionally someone will make a funny comment as they get on, but humor is not often readily accepted by strangers. Some comments I have made and do not recommend are:
1) “Mooooooo” when there is a very crowded elevator
2) “I shouldnt have had that last burger” when the door buzzes.
3) “I sure wish I had taken that shower”
4) Pretending like you are using all your might to push the doors shut when they start to close.
5) “Oh shoot. This one doesnt go to the penthouse”
It is unusual though when two co workers get on the elevator that there is no conversation or interaction. There are several reasons for this. 1) You dont like the person, 2) Its early and you dont want to talk to anyone or 3) You dont even realize its a coworker.
Some additional Elevator Notes that I have learned:
Never make fun of a person who just got off the elevator. It is possible that there could be someone left on there that knows the person you are making fun of.
Whistling and singing are generally discouraged by other riders.
If two people are conversing, don’t assume its okay to join their conversation.
Urinating in an elevator is not considered to be funny by other riders.
If you are the only rider, it is funny but not widely accepted to press all the other buttons before getting off.
If you are going to the tenth floor and the button is already pressed, it is not necessary to press it again. If it is lit, then that should be enough.
Most “Door Close” buttons dont work. Repeatedly pressing it does not make it go faster.
Contrary to popular belief, ladies still appreciate being let on first and out first. As a guy, you can pretend to hold the doors for them even though its not really doing anything. It still looks good.
It is NOT acceptable to enter an elevator and shake each riders’ hand.
